[Set to "You Only Love" by DBSK]

The morning rays tickle my eyelids as I stretch out of bed for yet another early morning. The aches in my muscles begin to sing like they're in an opera and I wince at the dull pain. After all these years, I think it's safe to say that my body is no longer mine. Sometimes it feels like there are these little strings that bind me, controlling my every move. Not that it's such a bad thing but damn, how I wish I could just sleep in this time. It was a Saturday after all...

My stomach grumbles as I realise that I hadn't eaten since 4 pm yesterday.

'OMG~ I'm going to die!'

"Hyungggg~ I think I'm going to die..."

"You say that every morning and yet, here you are, still very much alive and breathing. Asking for food."

And so the day starts off like it always does.

Little did I know that this day would change the world forever.

.......................................................................................

The day goes by rather swiftly, as one by one, we wrap up our schedules. There's only one schedule remaining and it's big. The stylist nuna is prepping my clothes for the event, fussing over buttons, bow ties and whatnot. I allow myself to think, 'Well, I'm not so bad looking, aren't I?'

We arrive at the venue in style and as I leave the vicinity of our car and onto the red carpet, camera flashes start their usual blinding dance across my eyes.

The first award we received for the night was some randomly named award and even with just that, all of us are ecstatic. We smile and pat each others' backs, congratulating on a job well done.

The stage managers signal to us to get ready so we head over backstage to get our wardrobe changed.

Now it's time for our performance. I don't know why but I feel that this medley holds a huge significance. Maybe because it's about us? About our life line. Everything that made us who we are. Or maybe it's just me who thinks like that. 'When did I become such a softy?'

The crowd screams all throughout the show and it snags at my heartstrings.

This is the stage that I love. I sure have missed it.

My brain is shouting, 'Pull it together you! Don't start getting all sentimental right now!' And so I shake my head and go on for my part.

Our debut song.

Where it all began.

We breeze through the choreography with ease and just like that it's over. And that's when it really hits me. I'm starting to feel funny and I'm pretty sure I don't like it.

They start to announce the major awards of the night. One by one, other artists were awarded with acknowledgement from the industry. Our name hadn't been called yet. We haven't won anything major yet. And my mind begins to drift off on its own.

'It has been a long time... Have they forgotten about us?'

'But they screamed so loud..? Surely, they are still here for us, right?'

'Maybe I didn't do well enough. I should have pushed harder. And I will.'

'Two years away may have made them lose confidence in who we are. Especially since there are so many newer and better groups debuting. Ahh, I can't do this...'

As these parasitic thoughts swirl and rip my consciousness apart, my hands mindlessly clap on and on while they announce the nominees for Album of the Year.

'Ah we're nominated for this one too.'

All I can do is clap.

"And the winner for MNET Korean Music Festival Album of the Year goes to...Dong Bang Shin Ki! The 4th album Mirotic."

The entire hall goes crazy with fangirl screams and yet I am still mindlessly clapping and bowing when I hear our song echoing throughout the hall. Yunho hyung's arm rests on my shoulder as he pulls me and Jaejoong hyung close. He grips my shoulder a little too tightly and I know, he is over the moon. Just like I am.

Clap, clap. Bow, bow.

It's all I can seem to do as we walk down the steps and towards the stage. I don't know when it started but somehow I couldn't lift my head. Yunho hyung starts the thank you speech, gripping the mic stand like he's about to kill it and the first sob escapes my chest. 'It hurts...'

Now I really can't lift my head. I just continue to clap and hope that no one will realise that I'm having a breakdown.

Too late.

The moment Yoochun hyung's strong arms wrap around my shoulders, I am utterly mortified.

'How in the hell is he okay with this?! He's the crybaby, not me! OMFG this can't be happening to me. I'm supposed to be the Ice Prince. Snarky King. Crying is not in my vocabulary. Serves me right for smirking when Yoochun hyung cried at Budokan.'

And with that, I just fall to pieces. I sob like a child and hyung just consoles me further. He pats me and tells me it's alright.

Everything is alright.

And because of that simple gesture, the tears just won't stop. I am a shaking, blubbering mess at this point. He smiles softly as his hand continuously switches from patting my shoulder to patting my waist. I think he's trying to control himself from crying too. Everyone knows crying is a contagious disease.

All the overwhelmingly paranoid thoughts, the pain and the stress of the past two years wash over me like a tsunami. I am finally relieved. I am also so very thankful to my hyungs for being here for me all this time. I am especially grateful for...

Just as the last thought crosses my mind, Yunho hyung screams "WE LOVE YOU CASSIOPEIA!" And yes, that is exactly it.
We do very much love each and every one of you. I may not say it as much as the other hyungs but I really wish all of you knew how much you mean to me.

At this point, I can hear Cassiopeia yelling out to me to stop crying. 'I want to stop too, you know. This is embarrassing.'

Yunho hyung finishes the speech and we are all bowing one last time to the fans. I don't know how hyung knew I was crying but almost immediately, I am swept into one of his big bear hugs and I just hide my face in his shoulder.

Hyung pats my back heartily. We all know that it breaks his heart when we cry. But because he is the leader of Dong Bang Shin Ki, he takes it upon himself to be strong for us. 'God...this is so embarrassing. But I can't help it. I'm so so sorry for being weak hyung.'

We start to leave the stage and all the hyungs are around me. They pull me into a group hug and I just can't stop crying.

'Hyungs, I love you guys.' I think to myself. I can't really say that out loud when I am in such a state. Certainly not.

I cover my face as Jaejoong hyung and Junsu hyung giggle at my crying form. They ruffle my hair playfully, like the big brothers that they are and I know everything is alright.

Just one moment was all it took to change how the world saw me.
And it wasn't so bad. I am just Shim Changmin afterall.

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And what do I say hmm..?               

 

"O__O OMGWHAT?! HOMG yeay, I can go see Beast!" *starts playing Beast songs on iPod*

 

 

 

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